My nights are short while my days are long and the reality of it all gagged by nothing more than a dream and hope that it will all pay off in the end. I refuse to receive any credit from the lenders for they are a Shylock to my story playing the principal antagonist. They stand to heap coal onto my already roasting head with this body not only being the flesh on bones but also the dreams I have seen for my tomorrow.
How can a little boy’s dream cause such controversy? How can one man’s name stir up anger and restlessness? To be a topic in the drinking place before you actually get a seat on the table is outstanding and troubling.
The question I ask now is this, is the future worth its weight in gain and gold? Others push to add digits to their account but I run daily, with my goal which is putting food out to the tables of the multitude yet these same people dine on my honour and wash it down with my pain.
The dynamics of many relationships changed without warning, volatile friendships and chaotic acquaintances numb the heart and make trusting almost impossible. The words “I promise” have never meant so little. The bonds that men created have all been broken and no one is willing to accord respect anymore. Ironically the demand for respect is at an all-time high.
How do I survive in a world where the rules are constantly changing, where being polite is seen as imposing oneself on others? Just the other day I was called forward. Why? Because I dared to ask questions, concerning the life of the party I was getting to know. Are we also limited to 140 characters in the real world or has twitter rewritten the rules of engagement? Have we become so accustomed to being limited in our expression that we find it challenging to hold our own in a conversation? We lose our voices daily by not speaking.
The prospects of separation are fashioned into the planning stages of relationships, anxiety replaces hope and forever is only a matter of days before boredom kicks in. Liberal thinking is now a weapon of oppression used against those that choose to maintain the old ways of thinking. Is freedom really liberation when those that do not embrace the new ways have become the bane of society?
Since the goal is to leave a legacy. Something that has never been done before in this generation has to be created. I must dig deep into history to adapt the skills and the way of the greats for it seems that the only way forward might be to go back. Is anger the best motivation or is it pain? Maybe tapping into emotions may stir up the hunger for answers. All these questions will have to be solved as the blueprint for the future is being planned.
What’s the mark of success? I wonder, having forgotten what it is that we are really fighting to have. The “Game Of Likes and Retweets” slowly is becoming the currency of choice. How many Followers qualify you for a leadership role in this new world order? Is it not amazing how quickly unfollowing or choosing not to follow a person can become an issue?
I stand naked before you all in all my imperfection. I will walk this walk of shame and claim it as my glory for in the end I will have a story and what you would have is a memory of a man that took a chance at life.
Being referred to as being too much used to be offensive until I realized that it is exactly what I have worked so hard to be. Nights spent reading, days taken up by practice and prayers cannot or be summarised as life being ordinary or having a normal existence.
Being surrounded by walls mimicked by whispers and echoes that defy the laws of physics resonates pain and glory at the same time. My skin is drenched with dried tears mixed with blood and self-doubt but the cold world calms me down, as the unexpected becomes the daily dose of motivation that I need.
Misty-eyed I lay flat on my back, in my mind counting, taking stock and pondering upon the many incidents that have occurred over such a short period of time.